Ollie’s CV

Note: This is a silly post. It is, however, slightly chuckle-worthy to those who knew Ollie and/or anyone who has ever had a conversation with a dog.

The job candidate at a power lunch (he had water served in a fine, imported plastic bowl.)
The job applicant at a power lunch (he had tap water served in a fine, imported plastic bowl)

Shortly after our arrival in Philadelphia, while procrastinating as I canvassed the city for a job as good as the one I’d left in New York, I decided that Ollie should embark on a career search as well. But first, of course, he’d need a resume.

Experience

LAW FIRM OF SNAUSAGE, SNAUSAGE & SNAUSAGE, LLC, Philadelphia, PA
Of Snausage.  Represent clients in the pet care and luxury pet goods industries, from prestigious doggie store Pooch to ghetto chains like PetSmart. 

SCHUYLKILL DOGGIE PARK, Philadelphia, PA
Union Leader.  Organize and lead doggie strikes and escapes in response to presence of loud, scary train.  Responsible for overseeing five mutts, two other Wheatens, a drooly St. Bernard, a giant poodle and some cuh-reepy German Shepherds.

PHOENIX APARTMENT BUILDING, Philadelphia, PA
Staring Contest Runner-Up.  Participate in and almost win staring contests against world champion pouncer LuLu. 

MUD PIT ACROSS THE STREET, Philadelphia, PA
Champion Pee-er.  Title-holder for “Longest, Most Relieving Pee Ever.”

WESTIN HOTEL, Chicago, IL
Valet Visitor.  Made frequent trips (against owners’ recommendations) to four-star hotel’s valet services office in case dry cleaning (spare harness) had arrived.

RAISIN TREE FARMS, Howell, MI
Marketing Manager.  Serve as representative of soft-coated Wheaten terrier litter born September 2004; responsibilities include acting as cuh-yoot as possible for manipulative purposes, pretending to be perfectly behaved, and drinking special blend of evaporated milk and water. 

Education

DE-PAW COLLEGE, Philadelphia, PA
Concentration in Snausage Studies and Classical Barking.

Hobbies

Emailing; eating Frosty Paws; chewing on expensive shoes; Spanish lessons; reading Snausage Monthly; watching SpongeBob Square Pants(he lives in a pineapple under the sea); playing with Howie, LuLu and Dolly; tug of war; bones.

Contact Information

snausagefan@yahoo.com

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Ollie’s CV

Wheaten Rescue

james.jpg

A real entry is in the works, I swear!

But for now I wanted to share this photo from today’s New York Post.  Behold Client 9 (aka E. Spitzer) walking his WHEATEN TERRIER, James.  I am not a lawyer, nor do I work for the Department of Social Services or the ASPCA. But I think that if one is a married governor and one is stupid enough to repeatedly patronize an escort service, one should lose the privilege of parenting a dog of this caliber. James cannot possibly be thriving in the tense environment of the Spitzer household, and frankly, I am worried about him.  Who knows what kind of long-term damage the scandal has done to his delicate canine psyche?  Do you really think Silda is thinking about his Snausage intake at a time like this? I do not. Out of the goodness of my heart, I volunteer to be James’ foster mom.

Wheaten Rescue