2012 in Words

The year is over, the font is Grilled Cheese
The year is over, the font is Grilled Cheese

The time has come to admit that I am clearly the laziest blogger in the entire blogosphere. If it’s any consolation, I blog constantly in my head. Did that console you? It did not, in fact, console me.  I quote the great Liz Lemon when I say, “Blurgh.”

But, the time has also come for me to share my annual “year in words” post, featuring keywords that represent the last 12 months. This list is not at all comprehensive, and I apologize in advance for anyone or anything I may have omitted/blocked out.  2012 was not the most stellar of years for me or many of the people I care about, and as such, I don’t have a big problem bidding it adieu. But it was not without its highlights — most notably this:

10/16/12
10/16/12: Highlight of the year, highlight of my life

Here’s to a happier, healthier and easier 2013.

Keith ▪ Buddy & Judy ▪ Impudent Oyster ▪ P. Corn ▪ Chatham Gables Inn ▪ Dennis Port ▪ NCIS ▪ Mystic Pizza ▪ caucus ▪ teeth ▪ crud ▪ diabetes  ▪ The Marriage Plot ▪ Jeffrey Eugenides ▪ Coup de Coeur ▪ C. Miggs ▪ Chinchilly ▪ 2WW ▪ Hong Kong ▪ Snookie Monster ▪ the right cookie ▪ Blue Ivy ▪ Sleepytime ▪ Trayvon ▪ Clomiphene ▪ Joe Pa ▪ Whitney Houston ▪ Dr.  Laura ▪ Jon Hamm! ▪ Boy Bait ▪ Janna ▪ Murray Hill ▪ Loren ▪ Mad Men ▪ Jamie ▪ LA ▪ Black Angus ▪ DFW twisters ▪ red jeans ▪ Hunger Games ▪ Brooklyn ▪ Ana & Dylan ▪ IMAX ▪ Digital Wish ▪ Ma’am bracelets ▪ Whitney ▪ OPI Red ▪ antagonist protocol ▪ Palazzo ▪ Mike Wallace ▪ bronchitis ▪ yoga ▪ Edgemont ▪ Intel ▪ Dr. McGS ▪ 50 Shades of Grey ▪ Red Lights Ahead … Where? ▪ Acuity ▪ tulips ▪ George Jetson ▪ Labyrinth30 Rock ▪ 40 ▪ peonies ▪ roses ▪ Reese’s ▪ Twix ▪ Tootsie Rolls ▪ Kooba ▪ Cole Haan ▪ Rebecca Minkoff ▪ Sugar Sweet Sunshine ▪ two ▪ Il Cantinori ▪ Frankfurt ▪ Uva ▪ cream blazer ▪ bar mitzvah ▪ L’Occitane ▪ verbena ▪ Damask ▪ BFN ▪ Tan Mom ▪ Jess ▪ Rach ▪ Dinky ▪ Princeton ▪ The Mentalist ▪ Red John ▪ Delancey ▪ Googa Mooga ▪ Facebook IPO ▪ Jr. ▪ Google Docs ▪ CoMindWork ▪ Paris ▪ London ▪ sleepover  ▪ cauliflower ▪ Blue Bloods ▪ cherry vanilla ▪ Beryl ▪ Kutsher’s ▪  Citarella ▪ slurpies ▪ gladiators ▪ DL 1961 ▪ cinch-waist ▪ Haven ▪ Cute as a Button ▪ Something beautiful you can truly own ▪ Chagas ▪ juniper ▪ Diamond Jubilee ▪ circus afro circus afro ▪ Daisy May’s ▪ chemosis ▪ Dallas ▪ ISTE ▪ Android ▪ strawberry ▪ Belgian beer ▪ Allyson ▪ polar bodies ▪ amoeba  ▪ Arlandria ▪ Microsoft ▪ Nora Ephron ▪ Vigamox ▪ Point Lookout ▪ MOTW ▪ Obamacare ▪ Thygeson’s ▪ Jules ▪ Parker ▪ Ernest Borgnine ▪ Certain Girls ▪ what the what? ▪ Nicole ▪ nashi blossom ▪ Ana ▪ Grover’s ▪ Long Branch ▪ Olympics ▪ Fierce 5 ▪ barf ▪ pneumoperitoneum ▪ #notimpressed ▪ Mekenna ▪ K. Puss & R. Patz ▪ Phillipe ▪ Audrey ▪ Fun ▪ dailies ▪ Call Me, Maybe ▪ Fantastic LA ▪ Dena ▪  In N Out ▪ Kate’s ▪ Stanley’s ▪ Lady Vengeance ▪ Kitson ▪ Polo Lounge ▪ Dan ▪ the Houghs ▪ the Carradines ▪ Mastros ▪ butter cake ▪ Paradise Cove ▪ Stoner Hassid ▪ Duke’s ▪ the ‘bu ▪ Piggy ▪ Eastern Europe ▪ closing bell ▪ Dave & Rob ▪ Worth & Jason ▪ US Open ▪ Bourne ▪ Milkbite ▪ Romney ▪ RNC ▪ DNC ▪ Java ▪ Mixer ▪ Punky Brewster ▪ CNN ▪ VP ▪ #blogwell ▪ Simon Baker ▪ Libya ▪ Gangnam  style▪ Josh ▪ SNL ▪ Rachel Bilson ▪ 70 ▪ watch ▪ Cassie ▪ Ger-manicure by OPI ▪ Ferraro’s! ▪ Stella & Dot ▪ Montclair ▪ Ollie ▪ The Pleasure GrooveJohn Taylor!!! Turn It OnDreamingSound of ThunderArgo ▪ Instagram ▪ Miami ▪ Tiffanie & Michael ▪ Sandy  ▪ Zuma ▪ Restore the Shore ▪ Obama ▪ spat ▪ Petraeus ▪ Paula Broadwell ▪ Israel ▪ One Direction ▪ Brussels sprouts ▪ Defending Jacob ▪ Manila ▪ Hong Kong II ▪ 12/2/12 ▪ royal  baby ▪ chopstickery ▪ “Weeeell” ▪ Kalydeco ▪ Frida Koala ▪ supertyphoon! ▪ Breaking Dawn II ▪ El Camino ▪ Aviary ▪ Slauw-tuh ▪ 90th Street ▪ Grace Paley ▪ Schnipper’s ▪ diverticulitis ▪ America ▪ Paul Rudd ▪ ZJTN ▪ Atlanta ▪ Alex ▪ Ella Jane ▪ Newtown ▪ Laura Mercier ▪ Richard Engel ▪ fiscal cliff ▪ ICE ▪ Mayapocalypse ▪ Jo Malone ▪ Dyker Heights ▪ Mama Rao ▪ PSNP ▪ Chrismukkah ▪ Baby Uh-yive ▪ Alexis Bittar ▪ Not Fade Away ▪ Keith ▪ Jan & Lew ▪ Ma’am Jr. ▪ CD ▪ NB ▪ RB ▪ RS ▪ JD ▪ LPAK (Palmie) ▪ Ma’am Sr. ▪ KH ▪ WFBF ▪ RC ▪ LA ▪ JB (Twin!) ▪ DB ▪ CO ▪ AP ▪ EL ▪ TB ▪ KL ▪ LS (Nana)▪ C. Miggs ▪ AG ▪ MPC ▪ APC ▪ SP ▪ MF ▪ PG ▪ El Diño ▪ Stella ▪ Normal will never be amazing ▪ 2013 …

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2012 in Words

2011 in Words

What 2011 looked like ... kind of ...

Last year at this time, I opted against listing the New Year’s resolutions I knew I would never even try to keep. Instead I created a retrospective “Word Collage” that encompassed my personal 2010 keywords and themes. (Why look ahead when you can look back?) Being narcissistic, I really enjoyed that creation and as such, decided to craft a 2011 version. Fortunately, I kept a sad little notebook in which I wrote down important things as they came up to ensure that I didn’t miss anything. (I’m sure I still did.) Unfortunately, I just spent an hour trying to turn those important things into the kind of real nice word cloud I see elsewhere in the blogosphere. Epic fail. I had to settle for this no-frills “cloud” that nary a soul with human eye sight will be able to read. Therefore, I recommend that you read below instead of above. I also recommend that you have a HAPPY NEW YEAR full of all good things. Unless you’re annoying of course.

Note: As a superstitious person, it makes me more than a smidge uncomfortable to assume that January 2012 will actually get here. But we are scheduled to be away for the dreaded New Year’s Eve festivities, possibly without internet access, so I took a chance. This is huge, people. If the world ends, I know that it’s the fault of me and this jinxy blog post.

Keith • blizzard • blizzard • blizzard • Gabby Giffords • Google Apps • blizzard • Verizon iPhone • Dallas • Nosh • Austin • Round Rock Donut • Judy • Overlook • The Frog & the Peach • That Championship Season • Align • lump • night guard • Brit-coms • Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps • Japan • tsunami • Egypt • Libya • Liz Taylor • toric lenses • The King’s Speech • Bridesmaids • 16 Handles • sinus rinse • Katie • Ritz-Carlton Battery Park • iPad 2 • The Darby • Organix • Geraldine Ferraro • Foxy Knoxy • royal wedding • Pippa • Kate • Will • Harry • gel nails • Brisbane Bronze • The Decemberists • “I stay where my last step left me …” • Michael Scott • Outsourced • Wayfarers • McGraw-Hill • Glenda • “Keep calm and carry on” • Trump • birthers • Joplin, MO • Patsy’s • Italy • Tom’s • Mr. Ferragamo • DSK • Cape May • Delaware • keratin poisoning • Weinergate • Huma • Arnold • That Motherfucker With the Hat • Bobby Canavale • Cali Lewis • GameUp • Cameron Diaz • Chrome • Philadelphia • Moby Balboa • Mr. Hurricane • Clarence Clemens • gay marriage • Casey Anthony • Rob & Dave • Laughing Cow • 71 West 23rd • Ashbrook • Frankfurt • smurfs • Betty Ford • News of the WorldBossypants • Sherwood Schwartz • Washington, DC • progress • Lenovo • Skype • heat wave • Jamie • Michele Bachmann • South Sudan • Pilobolus • BLT soup • Amy Winehouse • null food • panic • Friday Night Lights • “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose!” • Texas forever • Shark Tank • name change • Marla • Robbie • Hilton Head • The Crazy Crab • Devil Town • Hurricane Irene • Dr. Laura • jobs speech • September 11th • Occupy Wall Street • Century 21 • Jeph • Dallas • chicken and waffles • Adele • free Amanda! • Steve Jobs • iOS app update • Uh-Oh Roll Down the Window • Playboy Club • PanAm • Two Broke Girls • American Horror Story • Hart of Dixie • Scott Porter • John and Lesley • Foster the People • shooties • Carl • Claire • Quadaffi • Siri • Duran Duran! • “Play the fucking bass, John” • hashtags • Halloween blizzard • diabetes • Jill • Andy Rooney • Kardashian • marathon • Joe Pa • “I used to say, ‘the more tragic the better’…” • Movember • Marcel the Shell • Joanne • Laura • FSH • HSG • clip art • clomiphene • basting • Middlesex • Jeffrey Eugenides • Detroit • Phoebe • Lori Berenson • cousin • The Artist • Room and Board • Cape Cod • Buddy • Jan • Lew • Ma’am• Thirteen+1 • DS • L-PAK • KH• NB • RS • PG • SP • MF • JB • LS • MPC • APC • TB • KL • HA • LA • WFBF • AG • CUD • DK • RSM • KN • MJL • et al • 2012 …

2011 in Words

The Future Is Never What It Once Was

Greetings and Salutations, Five People Who Occasionally Read This Blog:

Happy 2010! I very much hope the new decade is treating you well thus far. I also hope none of you are suffering from scalp itch caused by cardboard HAPPY NEW YEAR crowns. 

Included on my list of sham resolutions is a committment to blog at least once a week all year. This is due to the depressing realization that in a mere four months, I will be the same age at which Helen Fielding published “Bridget Jones’s Diary.” For the past 13 years, whenever anxiety about my many life failures overwhelmed me, I took solace in thoughts of Helen Fielding. No matter how old I was, she was still older when she wrote this genre-spawning piece of literature.  That meant I still had time to accomplish “something.”

You may be wondering why I focused on Helen Fielding.  Sure, the Bridget Jones books are funny, and the endearing protagonist gets to go to a Tarts & Vicars party.  But, as Jan would say, “Literary masterpieces they forgot to be.”  Still, there were limited realms in which I could possibly accomplish “something,” especially as time went by. It was always totally unrealistic to think I would one day cure cancer, revolutionize the world of high finance or discover another line of australopithecus afarensis. But each passing New Year’s Eve wiped out more and more of the remotely realistic options. (Which is why I despise this particular holiday.) It was too late to be an editorial assistant at Entertainment Weekly or comedy writer. Then it was too late to work my way up from NBC page, and then it was too late to be a creative type at a big ad agency.  And then, I found out after a series of ill-fated interviews for jobs that hadn’t even existed a few years ago, it was just too late in general.  2010 marks 20 YEARS since I graduated from high school. (Special shout out to all my Spiffy High peeps: NB, RS, SSC, JFL, JD, TTC, DB and of course, our super-cute class president and homecoming king.)

So you see, my last best hope for doing “something” has always been, and will always be, writing.  I could always name tons of writers who’d published stories and books and articles (in media outlets people actually paid to read) when they were much younger than me. Helen Fielding was long the only one I could think of who hadn’t done my personal “something” until she was older than me.  But that’s almost not true anymore, and I can’t give up my last best hope yet.

I’m not sure I can rely on the good and mockable people of New York to provide me with 52 weeks worth of blog-worthy material. So from time to time, I may have to stray from the official “Letter T” M.O. a smidge, but I will do my best to keep my loyal fans entertained.

For those who aren’t privy to my incessant Facebook updates, I leave you with a sample of my other sham resolutions.

  • Stop picking cuticles
  • Join and go to gym
  • Develop enviable fashion savvy
  • Go to bed earlier
  • Wake up earlier
  • Be prompter
  • Wash hair every day
  • Reign in insatiable need to say negative things about annoying people (except here, of course)
  • Be more thankful
  • Be more patient
  • Regain crossword prowess
  • Be a better person/daughter/sibling/friend/girlfriend/employee/stuffed moose caregiver

*Please note I did not actually make up the name of this post. I heard it on MSNBC earlier today.  MSNBC, please don’t sue me.

The Future Is Never What It Once Was