I have no excuse for my blogging hiatus other than mental laziness. And the devastation I felt when the famous blogger behind Hate & Anger told me my last post didn’t do it for him. (Side note: if you knew me and/or my sister, it would have.) Sniff sniff. In any case, I have turned once again to the inspiration of Mama Kat’s Pretty Much World-Famous Writer’s Workshop. In honor of today’s solstice, I now present to you my summer bucket list. Enjoy.
- Find a way to achieve vintage tan: the kind of super-brown shade I used to turn in the buck-toothed summer days of yore.
- Be more patient
- Be less snarky
- Learn to meditate
- Attend event at Kabbalah Center
- Without being snarky about it
- Compose hilarious, heart-warming memoir entitled “Cycles of Normalcy”
- Sell “Cycles of Normalcy” to big publisher
- Receive many offers from film studios who can’t wait to adapt “Cycles of Normalcy”
- Be stalked by Eva Longoria and Sandra Bullock, both of whom are desperate to play me in “Cycles of Normalcy”
- Find out that the girl who played Weiner Dog in “Welcome to the Dollhouse” is actually cast to play me
- Learn to fall asleep without the (safe) use of pharmaceuticals
- Walk a treadmill mile at least four times a week without dying
- Return (ha!) to yoga
- Get a grip
- Find a way to haunt Loren’s apartment, Brady Bunch-style, so she can never sell it
- Find soul mate for Kiki
- See Wendy in Connecticut
- See Lauren in Boston
- Pinpoint cause of headaches: TMJ? Migraines? Pulled muscle? Insanity?
- Stop talking about Anthony Weiner and his wife
- Accept and embrace Jewfro
- Get luscious caramel highlights to cover gray and improve look of Jewfro
- Invent version of keratin treatment that doesn’t contain poison so that Jewish girls everywhere can end their suffering
- Stop obsessing about idea of having a “lil chicken cutlet” (thanks for the term, TM!) and either do it or don’t do it but either way, shut the fork up about it
- Learn to walk in platforms without falling off them and severely pulling ankle muscle
- Read Tina Fey’s book “Bossypants”
- Refrain from obsessing about why I haven’t written “Cycles of Normalcy”
- Spend as long a weekend as possible at the beach
- Visit City Island
- Shave legs every day
- Go on tour of Harlem culminating in gospel brunch
- Schedule cousinly reunion
- Cook brown bag chicken
- Attend modern dance event at the Joyce Theater
- Annoy Keith less
- Get over Hamptons-phobia
- Return (ha!) to blogging once a week
- Give money to Human Rights Campaign, Planned Parenthood, American Cancer Society and Amnesty International
- Read other sections of the Times on Sunday besides Style
- Spend more quality time with lil sis
- Finish grown-up-izing apartment
- Convince Keith we need new Room & Board coffee table
- FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP PICKING CUTICLES. If you’ve read this blog for a while, you know how likely that is.
- Become Twitter expert
- Cease all purchases of clothing and accessories that are black, gray or beige
- Except maybe for these stylie Pour la Victoire gladiators
- Spend nice suburban day at Mountainside Community pool with SIL, BIL and super-cute nieces (hint hint SIL & BIL)
- Plan anniversary trip to Caribbean
- Score front-page coverage for company in NYT and Wall Street Journal
The Letter T 