Annoyances
- Subway’s $5-foot-long commercial
- When good lip gloss comes with a bad applicator
- The difficulty in finding appropriate outerwear in 50-70-degree weather
- Undereye circles
- The tiny holes in my t-shirts!
- Work
- The Faux Cinema Verité Sonic Commercials, Featuring Extremely Irksome Generic Couple Engaged in “Witty” Repartee: Question 1 –Why do I have to watch these grating commercials here in New York, where there is nary a Sonic? I am not a member of the Java Chiller-drinking public! Question 2 — Does this couple go to Sonic every single day? Do they not have jobs? Question 3 — Why did the reasonably attractive husband marry this plain Jane bee-yatch who is so selfish she won’t share her CinnaSnacks? Question 4: Does Sonic think we are too stupid to realize that the couple’s natural banter is actually just a bad script?
- The Kennedy Family Stop & Shop Commercial: This commercial features a wholesome family just a little too passionate about their favorite supermarket. Mrs. Kennedy is an English teacher on maternity leave and Mr. Kennedy is a math teacher whose lofty hope for his children is that they will become math geeks. Among the footage of the family going about its business is a shot of Mrs. Kennedy feeding her toddler son some mushy gruel presumably procured at Stop & Shop. As he sits in his germ-ridden high-chair with food all over his face, he wiggles coyly. Mrs. Kennedy thinks this is super-cute! I on the other hand am sure the kid is creating a little brown gift for his mother.
- The Lyrica/Fibromyalgia Commercial: A pointy-nosed woman sits at a table reading aloud a poignant letter from another woman with fibromyalgia. The pointy-nosed woman (hereby referred to as PNW) seems to have stepped away from an art class to speak about the ravages of this horrid disease. PNW reads the letter in an unbearably grating, soft voice that sends chills down my back, describing joints that are “sooo tender to the touch.” When she finishes, she puts down the letter and, so moved by its contents, sighs before turning to the camera and launching into her pitch. I want to find out where this art class is held so that I can sign up, go, kick PNW with all the force my size 6 foot can muster, and teach her what fibromyalgia REALLY feels like.
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